okay so sinus issues seem to be clearing somewhat, although according to the news especially nasty 'pollen burst' is making life unpleasant for lots of hay fever sufferers so I'm just gonna have to live with that

Not been reffing or playng for a couple of weeks as talking basically causes my sinuses to clamp shut (or thats what it feels like) and talking is fairly important in the whole RPG thing but my game back on tomorrow and back at Sundays this weekend (don't know what Marks playing - sure it'll be ya know reaallly powerful and shit)

Got to see doctors soon as I may have to take extra precaustions for Southwell (hay fever vs camping yeesh)

what got me is that it stopped me - everything shut down gaming, walking as much (okay couldn't breathe properley but still)

happened at xmas as well everything stopped, but that was xmas and therefore 'allowed'

If I keep doing this I'm gonna lose this fight and I really want to do the other thing so what I am going to have to try and do is carry on regardless

Work directly against my tendancy to stop and make excuses, just put my head down and get on with it and not ever stop

and now doubt, I don't know if I have the ..... what determination, strength whatever

Last year up until xmas I was unstoppable and then I took time off and lost ground now I have to do that again, be that person again and not stop this time

I still see the parts of the future I want (the parts I've figured out so far) and as a goal that will do for now

Now I have to fight

We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are,--
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield. 

Just threw that in cause I love that quote

J