Eurekas going and just found out that Sanctuary has been cancelled :(
However I may be on the long road to promotion at work (a road festooned with training courses and shadowing etc (if they ever get their fingers out))
I have, I dont think been this positive about the future and fixed on a course of action that can only be good for me in years
I have great weekend coming up and a new outlet for my free time that will allow me to meet loads of new people
plans for the flat waiting for stuff to be bought to make them happen 

things are I believe golden

Now have I forgotten anything

J

I'm not doing this for her

I'm not doing this for anyone but me

She's not interested in me and she'll find someone else and I refuse to waste time on the whol unrequited love thing, it's counter productive

Feelings in a box and put away

concentrating on moving forward

feel better for that

7 and a half pounds lost (approximately as the scales show different results on an uneven floor) can and will do better

going to Comic Mart next Saturday with Langley followed by Games Workshoppy goodness and pub

nice

:)

and it continues........

talked to my technical director (Rob) about the shelving plans last night and he says it's a goer (gotta start stockpiling shelving stuff soon)

More I think about it the more I want to get into the Warhammer thing so tomorrows plan after the usual chores is to spend the day sorting painting and glueing - popular rumor has it that the 6th edition 40k is out first week in July or there abouts so thats the jump on point for that (another big box o figs?)

Rock/metal posters in the bedroom (gonna start shoppng around for them - want really big ones if possible)

comic mart on the 26th (looking for Doctor Who stuff really)

usual pub thing in the evening (oh did some research and found that Cider has usually less calories than the beer I usually drink so switching as of now)

Assessment nonsense at work on monday (waste of bloody time but mandatory)

plan for tonight after dinner is music and Diablo 3

:)

Addition to yesterdays blog

okay so I have an RPG/Doctor Who/Crisis opn infinite earths poster thing going on in the living room with only room for one more poster (2 if over the TV unit as well)

Hall I'm not sure about it's very narrow and therefore decoration seems a little pointlees to me

My bedroom is going to be Rock posters/Album covers I think (that'll start at the end of the month)

Little room is going to be Library /Figure Storage (so at some pont I have to lure Rob round with his drill after I've accumulated shelving supplies)

Still not entirely sure about the floors - carpeting would be really expensive and I'd have to move the furniture into an extradimensional space in order to do it - thought about carpet tiles but a lot of the same problems - so brings back to rugs I suppose

Kitchen gear needed for new lifestyle thing

Toaster, Blender, Microwave, Cooker (proper one), Slow Cooker? (and various kitcheny stuff that I should have but don't mixing bowls and the like (plus apparently a mortar and pestle, blame Ainsley not me)

this is the plan

planning now start accumulating stuff end of next week on payday

Excellent

Direction is key for this process "to thine own self be true" is one of Robs favorite sayings but I wasn't sure what that meant to me

I've been thinking that I may have been over thinking this

The University course thing - I suddenly realised I didn't know why I was doing any of it that along with the illness stress and the infection I picked up after the operation and I put it on hold

But if you boil it down to basics who am I?

I know who I was before I gave up

I was a long haired rock fan who gamed

I liked me then

It's a start

Thats what I'm going to be aiming for I think

Started a new life recently

Started eating better and watching calories, started walking to work in the morning as the first part of a process that will end in walking to and from work every day and going to the gym 2 or 3 times a week

I've lost about 3 pounds since last Wednesday (which is what I'm calling the day I drew a line the sand)

I feel happy

So far (and I know it's early) it's been easy because at the end of this road I see a few things happening and I want them to and I think I can ... no I know I can make it there

My friends are the difference between this time and the times before when I have said such things

I asked one question (is it feasible to lose 5 stone in 7 months) and they came out and gave me advice and support which made me happy - before I tried to do this stuff on my own and I can't do that (it turns out) - but I covered that in an earlier post

Work is crap £9.5m debt in the particular area I work that I and the team I'm on have to try and recover and the biggest obstacle is work itself, crap policies terrible management and pointless restrictions make the job virtually impossible and because of upcoming changes to the benefits systems it's going to get much worse

It doesn't matter, I used to care and feel some pride when we got back some of the larger debts but no more

The Job is just that now a means to an end - it's a period of time daily that I can't do things I would rather do but thats okay

I have feelings for someone - I think about her daily and I've been told that shes not interested because I'm too fat and unhealthy for her (Quote) there is a chance I suppose that I'm actually doing this for her on some level - in any case what she said didn't actually change the way I feel about her

I know I'm a putz but hey

So I made myself a deal 5 stone gone and I get to buy a load of games stuff guilt free with whatever funds I've saved by that point - 5 stone because it's about halfway down to what is a much healthier weight for me

So the 2nd 5 stone - you'll like this - Gencon Indy 2013 in Indianappolis (at least thats the plan) is the carrot at the end of that particular stick

So from about 6AM Wednesday Morning to 6.30AM Saturday morning I lost about 3 pounds thats with changing the diet and walking to work - next week starts 3 weeks of same diet and walking to and from work - then I have a week off work at the start of June, the week after that I arrange my induction at Victoria Leisure Centre and start the gym thing

It'll be Saturday Mornings at the gym with Rob and Mark and when I get up to 2 trips per week I'll go Wednesday after work

Basically I'm happy and optimistic - which is nice

J

Been thinking about this week and I have a theory

When my gran died a few years ago my friends rallied but the family said we must suport my brother but ultimately you have to deal with these things alone don't you

Then when that business with my brother kicked off in 2009 again it was must support matt from the family and my friends didn't know what to say about any of it (I don't blame them what can you say) so again dealt with it mostly on my own

And that I think is the problem I got into the habit of trying to deal with everthing on my own and you can't sometimes you need help

This week my friends have rallied and given me some great advice about eating right and the like - I have a low fat recipe book on the way and a good idea of what I'm going to be doing so I'm far more positive about everything (not the false positive feeling I convince myself I have then forget about)

Eating right, June starts the gym lots of walking, sort out the flat and at the end of this part of it I get a new ipad if I'm good

sounds like a plan

Things are a learning experience

"it's all experience points" Rob used to say until after a few thousand times of saying it he was savagely beaten ;)

The weekend and the serious black cloud I've been under since has taught me that I do actually have deep seated issues with my weight that I may have been burying ...until Mark lit the blue touch player

So all I have to do when this whole thing kicks off end of the first full week in June I reckon all I have to do is overcome my apparent emotional issues, and my inherant fear of ridicule and inertia to change my whole life and well ...fix me

I know I've said things like this before but this week has been different

So massive hill to climb

I may need help

J